Ok, ok, ok! i'm sorry! I haven't posted in forever and I feel awful about it... uhm, I guess you could say "not alot has changed" since my last post... The family reunion was amazing, I've been on break at the studio, room still isn't 100% finished, youth group started and I'm SOOO excited about my small group (!), I've gotten really ridiculously good at nail art, uhm... I think that's mostly it. figured out some college stuff. Life's pretty boring lately...

Went shopping with mom today. Had so much fun, and got some of the stuff I need for the pageant =] I'm really getting excited, but feeling a desperate need to hit the gym and get in shape! 42 days to go! =]

I'M TEACHING MY OWN CLASS! They gave me a Friday hip-hop class to teach at the studio =D i'm SO excited! And I'm in Elite (shocker?)!! I'm so ready for break to end, but at the same time i have this small desire to never go back... I love dance, I love the Savelli's, I just feel like it's taking over my life and the demands are getting too high. I know I only feel this way because i've been on break and gotten fat and lazy, so next week I wont feel this at all, but it just bums me out, ya know?

wow! just came across a poem I wrote a little less than a year. I forgot how powerful it was and how much it meant to me;


I know just how this story goes,
I've lived this life before.
But even so, there's something different,
something new and I feel free.
Maybe it's the coauthor, but baby,
I really think it's me.

We dance this dance, I know the steps well
But mix it up for me.
You're learning for the first time
just how to move your feet,
but can you mix it up for me?

I've heard that line before,
but the words are new to your lips
I'll choose to trust your innocence,
if you choose to trust my sins
And maybe through our unique situation
we'll end up falling in love
but baby tonight I just wanna dance with you,
so pretend it's all we get

Let's dance our dance, that no one else knows,
and be happy simply to move
perfection is achieved by practice,
so let's be sure that's what we dont do
This messy choreography pleases me more than you know
and maybe I'll end up loving you,
but only if I choose so


My God! I wish I could still write like that! I wish I had a reason to write like that!  I wish I still felt like that, most of all. Someday...

For now it's off to bed. I'm well exhausted from shopping and several hours skyping my lovely JM <3 Goodnight, world!

~Rocky

Soooo it's early in the morning (not really so early, but it feels like it), and I have to go babysit, and all I want to do is sleep. I probably shouldn't have stayed up till almost 2am skyping last night, but it was much needed to try and heal a relationship. Sooo yeah, this is me, 8:45am on a Thursday, no makeup, fresh outta the shower, hair not even brushed.

Since I'm leaving soon and clearly am not ready I probably shouldn't be blogging right now, but I've been told that I'm "slacking off" and certainly dont want to disappoint =P Life just kinda didn't get any simpler like I hoped/expected after the recital, and I think it may have gotten even busier actually.

Last night I went to some "rave" at this kid I dont know's house. It was reallllly lame at first and I just wanted to leave, but around like 9ish or something it got better. I mean, sure, it was a bunch of teenagers grinding like animals in some dudes small, crowded basement with strobe lights, black lights, and a DJ, and that was really gross and annoying and all, but it got fun later when some people I actually knew showed up haha =] I guess even boring situations you dont want to be in with a bunch of strangers can turn out fun in ways you didn't expect.

I got two new leotards! yay! what kind of lame person am I to be so excited about this? A dancer! Nobody else (ok, maybe gymnasts) would understand the excitement that comes with getting a new leo or dance shorts or other accessory. But it's so fun!

Tonight I get to teach breakdancing for two hours. yay? no. I dont really want to, i kinda prefer taking the class, and I just want to SLEEP after I babysit. But nope, I have to go teach little girls how to do ballet/tap/tumbling, and then teach two breakdancing classes with Molly. It should be fine, I'm just not feeling up to it so much today haha.

The weekend looks promising though! Going to a Chris Allen concert on friday with Lizzie, Mike, and God knows who else, then going to the drive in with Kate, Eric, Jon, and possibly Maureen. It should be really fun =] Saturday I've got a grad party I'm looking forward to (friends and food, what could get better than that? =] ) and Sunday is just a regular day with church, frisbee, hanging out with Jon most likely, then family night. w00t. however, sleep is still not on the radar...

Alright, I'm off; I've got about 10 minutes to make myself presentable for the day. peace out.
~Rocky

YAY! I got my new charger todayyy! It's been a bummer not having blogging as an option these past several days. Well, not much has happened. Kate and Eric are dating, I've taught a few classes all by my onesie and rocked it, got back to frisbee, spent all weekend with Jon, went to a grad party (congrats, class of '11!) got my job secured for the summer and the other one this fall, got my schedule for dance this summer, and I think that's about it. Oh, and I also attained about 25 mosquito bites. Yay. (I'm somewhat unenthusiastic about that last bit).

All in all life is going pretty great =] we had the house inspection today, and it didn't quite pass but we're praying and hoping things still work out. I'm so ready to move!

I really need to take a picture... oh, yeah, btw, my hair is green now... just in case y'all didn't know ;] andddd blogger isn't letting me add photos right now. lovely. alright well at a later date I'll add a picture or something, but this is irritating me.

I feel boring right now. Like this post is boring. oh well, maybe it's just one of those days...
~Rocky

P.S.
this probably should go without saying, but dont go to a rib burn off if you're a vegetarian. Not much to eat, and the scent is toxic. Yeahhh I didn't think that one through too well =P But hey, had a good time with my friends ahha!

Welll no picture today. I'm just so busy that I dont have an extra 15 minutes to take a good, creative picture, edit it, upload, and write a blog with it. SOOO I'm just blogging with pictures as often as I can.

Well I got reconnected to my best friend from ODT, Barbara, and it's awesome! First my teacher, Miss Sarah, now my friend, Barbara! =] It's really cool to get in touch with old memories =] ODT was a horrible experience, with horrible people, yet some good still came out of it =]

I'm being hailed as the "Star of the show" for the recital, and my teacher was told by professionals that I have a LOT of potential! I feel so special after everything people have said =] Also, I'm organizing and choreographing a flash-mob to advertise ADMA and the Elite group. I'm SO excited to do ADMA Elite! Starting pointe in less than 2 weeks =] Lets do a list of things I"m excited for;

1. ADMA elite
2. Pointe, jazz, and tap
3. moving! 
4. family reunion
5. working at Camp Ideas
6. flash mob
7. SUMMER! 
8. 4th of July (Chandler's coming home again!) 
9. Chandler to come home for good
10. a haircut
11. to start playing frisbee again!

 Yup, lots to look forward to! As for now I'm going to look forward to sleeping for the next 8 hours. goodnight.
~Rocky

I love Gracie <3

My splits are so much better! 

This girl here is a future me. I adore her, and she's going to be a star! watch out dancers! Tessa is coming!

Grandmum <3 

Kate <3

Well, I think I haven't had a *real* post in what, 2, 3 days? Sorry about that! Been very busy. Here's a rundown of my weekend;

Me and mis padres <3

   Friday;  Got up, did school did my makeup, did my hair (3ish hours to curl. woohoo), got in the car and went to ALHS for dress rehearsal around 3ish and didn't get out until 10 or 11, and then went out with the Savelli's, Molly, Mrs. King, Liz, and the tech guys. Then I went home and slept. (Great, busy, productive, dramatic, long day)
   Saturday; Got up around 730, tried to get the hot tub working (failed), showered, did my makeup, did my hair, went shopping, then was at ALHS by 12. Had the recital (which was WONDERFUL), went shopping again, hung out with friends at home, then went out to Crocker park and had Kate spend the night. All the same adjectives used to describe Friday apply.
   Today (sunday); got up, went to church, did chairs, came home to change, went to chandlers, came home, and here I am. wooohooo!

Basically it's been a GREAT weekend, although I haven't been online for days. I think you understand my inability to blog ahha.
Anyways, the recital is finally done. I dont think I fully comprehend this yet, or how strange it will be to have an actual dance class again. I love performing! if I could be on stage every day, I absolutely would <3 Didn't get alot of pictures, but the ones I got are really great =] It went smoothly, everyone did a great job, and it was so much fun! I cannot wait to do it next year, and for the performance group that we're starting =] Also, on a dance related note, I've decided to organize a flash-mob to do some stuff in the area in July, if I can. =]

Grandmum is in town, and I'm really enjoying having her here =] I am so sleep deprived I can't even think right now ahha! It's almost dinner time I think, but all I want is a nap. I think I'll do that until dinner. Peace out world! <3
~Rocky

Ok, so again, no picture because I've just been way too busy to take one, but I swear there'll be one tomorrow! Dress rehearsals are going to KILL since I'll be there from 3-10 and them I'm going out with the Savelli's till God knows when. Then I get to get up in the morning and do it all over again from 12:30-4:00 on Satuday. woohoo! I know I sound sarcastic, but I'm sincerely excited and enthusiastic =]

Tomorrow Grandmom is coming into town, and I'm so happy! I adore her above everyone else on the face of the earth. If I could choose only one person to survive and everyone else die, I would def. pick her. Ok, actually, idk who I'd pick, but she's DEFINITELY in the running ;P But that's beside the point! The point is I'm glad she's coming to visit and can be at my recital cause it is a huge deal to me =]

We got the house! I'm so happy! We'll be moving in July sometime, and I just can't wait! =D I started screaming like a maniac I was so excited haha! It's gonna be fantastic! =]

Ok, that's really about it. I guess I got in a mini-fight with a friend tonight, but it should be ok. It's more like little things irritated me and I just decided to like take some space until i calm down. It's really my fault I suppose for not speaking my mind and opinion more... oh well... I just kinda get like that. I dont say anything when little things bug me (I dont wanna be petty!) and then it just builds up until I ust have to ignore/avoid someone for like a week or something and then I'm over it all... it's a character flaw I'm trying to work on, but it's not going so well it seems =/

Guess that's it for tonight. Sorry I"m neglecting pictures! I'll get back to that gig starting tomorrow =]
~Rocky

Uhm, yeah, so today has been a bad day I guess. Dont really feel like getting into details, but I'm exhausted and just void of sanity at the moment. But hey, soon as I got to the studio things started looking up. I'm gonna own at that darn recital on Saturday, and I'm SO ready to be done with it! My knee is feeling a bit better, but not perfect yet. I got my right split, which has NEVER happened before, so yay! I dont think Miss Liz hates me like she used to, so that's really good. we get along well now and have a better understanding I think. Got all my shopping done for the recital so I think i'm pretty much set for it. I'm really tired and dont really feel like writing this blog right now, so this is the best you're getting outta me tonight. anddddd I didn't get to take a picture so you just gonna have to deal with a picture that showcases my mandatory, uniform lipstick, and how I feel about it.

Today has been... a day... not altogether good, not altogether bad, so it kinda just evens out to being a day. It started out great cause I woke up energetic for the first time in a long time, my sister gave me a frappuccino from Starbucks, it was bright and sunny, got to talk to the ever-lovely Lizzie (<3), and that was that.

It started going down-hill in cardio class. My knee has started acting up again, and I can't even move it right now it hurts so bad. I was doing one-footed jumps on the trampoline which proceeded to fold in on me and break, and I fell flat on the ground. I asked my instructor, Brad, if I could possibly get out of teaching on thursday to see the friend who I mentioned is only home for the week, and he said it would be stupid of me to ask Jo, even though I explained the situation.

After that minor-rejection of my request, I signed up for my summer classes, and fought tears as I got back to work cleaning. I was not successful for very long before I found myself locked in the bathroom crying for at least 10 minutes. For those of you who know me, it takes a *LOT* to make me cry, and something has to matter more than you could imagine. Well there I was. I finally stopped, went back to vacuum the office, and burst out crying again in front of Brad when he asked what was wrong.

I then went home and got online. So you're now caught up on my day. It's had it's bads and goods but not enough of either to classify "how my day was". The picture I took for today is an awful picture, considering my knee and hand are cut out, but in all fairness I had my crappy camera on "timer" setting, and was using boxes and books and a cell-phone chair as a tripod in my crowded messy attic. I think it turned out not bad considering the circumstances. This is my outfit for breakdancing on saturday. woohoo. I guess that's it for today.
~Rocky

Yeah, I'm posting twice in one day, but I felt it needed to be done. I'm gonna be daring today. Tonight I was talking with a friend who is VERY important to me, and he was saying how he didn't feel good enough, and insecure. I started naming some of my insecurities and things I'm self-conscious about in an attempt to show him he's not the only one, and in under 2 minutes I'd listed over 20 things. So now I'm going to be bold, and I'm going to trust you (whoever you are) with my top 6 insecurities. I'm just like everyone else, I'm flawed, I'm imperfect, I'm insecure, I'm self-conscious, I'm a normal teenage girl. So here we go;

  1) I hate my legs. I think they're awful. This never bugged me until I started dancing again and my teacher always says how bent and deformed they are, and now I feel like everyone's going to look at my legs and think "what a freak".
  2) I am very embarrassed by how long my toes are and wide my feet are, mostly cause my mom exclaims at least three times a year "Oh my gosh, Rocky! Your toes are so long! look at those nasty things! hahahaha!"
   3) I think I annoy everyone. I think i'm too loud and like everyone thinks i'm fake because of my enthusiasm and level of energy and hyperness.
  4) I hate my fingernails because I can't keep them long, especially my left middle finger because the nail doesn't grow right cause i slammed it in a door when I was little.
  5)  I think my ears are too big because my dad always teased me that they are when I was little, so now I feel like they are even though I know they're really fine... I think?
  6) I have HORRIBLE handwriting which I find myself always apologizing to people for when I write anything and they see

Have at it, world! I'm not brave all the time, I dont think I'm perfect, and I see my flaws at least as much as everyone else does, probably more. But I'm telling you now, I'm not afraid of them. Those imperfections are part of what give me the drive and determination I have in life. I'm not controlled by my natural instincts; to hide in a shell until that one day when I magically pop out and am suddenly confident. No, that time will never come. There will always be something you wish you could change, or that you wish were different, and I'm not going to let that have any effect on my life. I'm letting you know I'm not scared of what the world thinks of me, and when I need that extra boost I just remember that everyone else is also feeling similarly about some characteristic of theirs.

This is why I'm not shy. I have no fear. My value is not in how I'm viewed or 'how I feel'. My value is in God, my 'flaws' make me who I am, and from here on out I'm not only going to live with them, I'm going to embrace them.

Quotes related to this topic;

How much will you indulge in your flaws? What are your flaws? Are they flaws?
    ~ "Girl, interrupted" 
Take my darkest fears and play them Like a lullaby
    ~ Evanescence, "All that I'm living for"
'Cause there's a stronger woman in me
    ~Jewel, "Stronger Woman" (didn't see that title coming, did you? =P )
Trying to be everything can make you lose your mind
    ~ Lady Antebellum "American Honey"
taking no chances means wasting your dreams.
    ~Ellen Hopkins, "Crank"
Am I really the way I percieve myself, or is the person others see the truth of me?
    ~Ellen Hopkins, "Tricks"
Have you ever seen me defeated? Don't you forget what I've been through and yet I'm still standing
    ~"Evita" 


~Rocky

P.S.
Even as I'm writing this, I bit my nails. Yeah, another insecurity that feeds into #4. Also, I highly recommend the song "Mirror" by Barlow Girl.