Sooo I just got back from being out with my friend, Jess, and had a blast =] But I feel so sick with myself for eating as much as I did... See, I've recently decided to watch how much I eat cause I just feel so fat this past month, and I can't let me do that to myself. And I know how horrible that sounds and how screwed up it is that a size 0 feels that way, and how wrong I am to see someone putting peanut butter on saltines and all I can think is "oh my god, do you want to be fat and disgusting?" and wanting to puke at the thought of eating that. But I can't help it! It's like I will never be good enough and I have to do something. I look in the mirror and see this awful, huge monstrosity that I hate. So, new rules for my diet;

Absolutely NO salt. NO soda. NO carbs. EVER.
If I feel hungry, chew gum, put on lip gloss, or drink water.
Cut everything into tiny pieces, put my fork down between bites, and chew a specific number of times.
If I absolutely MUST eat, no more than 50cal. snacks.

Hopefully this works, cause I feel awful about myself. I've got a few pictures of skinny dancers who are absolutely gorgeous on my phone to look at for inspiration when I feel like eating.

So far it's been more or less effective. Today I've had a donut (ew. but I had to! i just needed to indulge on last time before getting really strict here), cantaloupe, and a salad (with italian dressing),  Total calorie intake of the day; 535. I really think I'm on to something here =] And if I work out more then I'm only working off fat because there's no recent calories to burn =] I've also learned that when you're hungry, if you work out or stretch or something, eventually you're just not hungry anymore.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. The difference between want and need is self control.Eat to live, don't live to eat. An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person. Don't eat anything today that you'll regret tomorrow. What's in your fingers today is on your hips tomorrow. Quod me nutrit, me destruit. (That hich nourishes me destroys me.) If I eat anything, I'll eat everything, so I eat nothing. I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. A moment on lips; forever on the hips. Every time you say "No Thank you", you say, "Yes Please" to Thin. I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul. 


CW; 120lbs
GW1; 115lbs (by 9/18)
GW2; 110lbs (by 10/4)
EGW; 105lbs (by 10/14)

Now, losing 5 pounds in the next  14 days sounds really easy, right? But I indulge so much that it'll be harder than you'd imagine. Much less 15 pounds in 40 days when I spoil my fat rear end... Wish me luck!